Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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