He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
