We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
