Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize