You made me cry and you don't even care
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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