That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
