So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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