He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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