The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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