i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
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i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
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dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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