I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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