She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
