True but thats because hes a fetus.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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