The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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