I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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