can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
