Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
