EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
