Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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