careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
