So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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