Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
