i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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