I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
