She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
