It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
