I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
