I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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