Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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