I will die if light touches me.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
