Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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