I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
pray to the hookup gods
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
