When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
