i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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