I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
