Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
