Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
