I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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