and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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