I think im going to throw up on grandma
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
