Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
