Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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