you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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