I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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