I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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