I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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