She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
