careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
