On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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