Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
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