a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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