I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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