He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
