My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
