I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
