The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
