fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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