Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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