no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
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i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
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I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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