this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
