Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Randomize
