you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
