I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
