She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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